I
chose to speak today about my role as a mother and about the roles of
individuals in a family. I have been
thinking a lot recently about this subject, and how I can better myself in this
sacred responsibility, then I came upon this talk by Elder L. Tom Perry from
October 2012 General Conference, titled, Becoming Goodly Parents. There is so
much in here- it was hard to choose just what I wanted to focus on, but I think
it is important to note that we can’t be perfect in this life, we can’t do
everything all the time, and Heavenly Father is very keenly aware, and is oh so
patient with us.
Tomorrow,
my Alex will be a teenager. I seriously do not know how. I remember so much of
the day he left the presence of his Father in Heaven to become our son. I
remember promising that I would be a good mother, that I would teach him the
gospel, that he would always know how loved his is, that he would grow up with
a testimony of how loved he is from his Heavenly Father. I promised to do all I
could to teach him, to help him return, with us to that heavenly home. Now that I only have a few years left with
him at our home, I think, have I done some of that? Am I working hard to do
more? Does he know? I pray that he, along with his siblings, will know, as the
Stripling Warriors did, that their mother KNEW, that she did not doubt. I hope
I have done that, I hope I have been and will continue striving to be a goodly
parent.
Elder
Perry states, “Lessons taught in the home by goodly parents are becoming
increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary
is so widespread. As we know, he is attempting to erode and destroy the very
foundation of our society—the family. In clever and carefully camouflaged ways,
he is attacking commitment to family life throughout the world and undermining
the culture and covenants of faithful Latter-day Saints. Parents must resolve
that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility. This
responsibility ultimately rests on the parents. According to the great plan of
happiness, it is goodly parents who are entrusted with the care and development
of Heavenly Father’s children.
In our remarkable parental stewardship, there are many ways that
goodly parents can access the help and support they need to teach the gospel of
Jesus Christ to their children.
Parents can pray in earnest, asking our Eternal Father to help
them love, understand, and guide the children He has sent to them. We can pray
deeply about our children and about our role as parents. Parents can offer a
unique and wonderful kind of prayer because they are praying to the Eternal
Parent of us all. There is great power in a prayer that essentially says, “We
are stewards-parents over Thy children, Father; please help us to raise them as
Thou wouldst want them raised.”
Parents can hold family prayer, scripture study, and family home
evenings and eat together as often as possible, making dinner a time of communication
and the teaching of values. Parents can share their testimonies often with
their children, commit them to keep the commandments of God, and promise the
blessings that our Heavenly Father promises His faithful children.
We can organize our families based on clear, simple family rules
and expectations, wholesome family traditions and rituals, and “family
economics,” where children have household responsibilities and can earn
allowances so that they can learn to budget, save, and pay tithing on
the money they earn.
The proclamation on the family says:
“Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care
for each other and for their children. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord’ (Psalm 127:3).
Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to
provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and
serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens
wherever they live. …
“… By divine design, fathers are to preside over their
families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the
necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily
responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred
responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as
equal partners.”3
Let
me talk about the sacred responsibilities of Fathers, Mothers, and Children in
the family.
For
Fathers to their children:
Elder D. Todd Christofferson stated:
Of course, as has been repeated by prophets over the years,
“The most important of the Lord’s work you will ever do will be within the
walls of your own homes.”9 We have much to do to strengthen marriage in societies that
increasingly trivialize its importance and purpose. We have much to do to teach
our children “to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord”.Our task is
nothing less than to help our children experience the mighty change of heart or
conversion to the Lord spoken of so eloquently in the Book of Mormon.
For Fathers to their wife:
President Henry B. Eyring stated:
Love your wife. It will take faith and humility to put her
interests above your own in the struggles of life. You have the responsibility
to provide for and to nurture the family with her while serving others. That
can at times consume all the energy and strength you have.
President David O. McKay
“The
most important thing a father can do for his [daughter] is to love [her]
mother.”
What more can a husband do to support his wife, the mother of
their children?
First, show extra appreciation and give more validation for what
your wife does every day. Notice things and say thank you—often. Schedule some
evenings together, just the two of you.
Second, have a regular time to talk with your wife about each
child’s needs and what you can do to help.
You are going to think this is all about Dana, right?! I can assure you it is not. He is wonderful and so very good to me.
Third, give your wife a “day away” now and then. Just take over
the household and give your wife a break from her daily responsibilities.
Taking over for a while will greatly enhance your appreciation of what your
wife does. Dana is particularly good at this…I recently left for several days
and came home to find that all was well and Dad took care of it. What a
blessing.
Fourth, come home from work and take an active role with your
family. Don’t put work, friends, or Ohio State sports ahead of listening
to, playing with, and teaching your children.
Elder Richard G. Scott stated:
Therefore, as a husband or son, express gratitude for what your
wife and mother do for you. Express your love and gratitude often. That will
make life far richer, more pleasant and purposeful for many of the daughters of
Father in Heaven who seldom hear a complimentary comment and are not thanked
for the multitude of things they do. As a husband, when you sense that your
wife needs lifting, hold her in your arms and tell her how much you love her.
May each of us ever be tender and appreciative of the special women who enrich
our lives. God will hold us accountable for how we treat His precious
daughters. Therefore, let us treat them as He would wish to have them treated.
I pray that the Lord will guide us to be more inspired, sensitive, and
productive with the priesthood we hold, especially with His daughters.
Now, for us women, and mothers:
Elder
M. Russell Ballard stated:
I
surely know that there is no role in life more essential and more eternal than
that of motherhood. There is no one
perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has
different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different
children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. What matters is that a mother loves
her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her
husband, prioritizes them above all else.
I
am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus
on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child
lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a
parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s
life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial
to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek,
with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our
homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal
partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives
of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing
involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their
well-being
So, a question: What can you do, as a
young mother, to reduce the pressure and enjoy your family more?
First, recognize that the joy of motherhood comes in moments.
There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there
are shining moments of joy and satisfaction. We hope these moments outweigh the
challenges, right?!
Author Anna Quindlen reminds us not to rush past the fleeting
moments. She said: “The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that
most of us make. … I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly
clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one
picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of
the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could
remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how
they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry
to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured
the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” (Loud and Clear [2004], 10–11).
Elder Ballard goes on…
Second, don’t overschedule yourselves or your children. We live
in a world that is filled with options. If we are not careful, we will find
every minute jammed with social events, classes, exercise time, book clubs,
scrapbooking, Church callings, music, sports, the Internet, and our favorite TV
shows. One mother told me of a time that her children had 29 scheduled commitments
every week: music lessons, Scouts, dance, Little League, day camps, soccer,
art, and so forth. She felt like a taxi driver. Finally, she called a family
meeting and announced, “Something has to go; we have no time to ourselves and
no time for each other.” Families need unstructured time when relationships can
deepen and real parenting can take place. Take time to listen, to laugh, and to
play together.
Third, even as you try to cut out the extra commitments,
sisters, find some time for yourself to cultivate your gifts and interests.
Pick one or two things that you would like to learn or do that will enrich your
life, and make time for them. Water cannot be drawn from an empty well, and if
you are not setting aside a little time for what replenishes you, you will have
less and less to give to others, even to your children. And don’t allow
yourself to be caught up in the time-wasting, mind-numbing things like
television soap operas or surfing the Internet. Turn to the Lord in faith, and
you will know what to do and how to do it.
I have recently taken this test of faith to the Lord, and found
that once again, He knows me and knows what I can do and how I can do it. He
led me to my Patriarchal Blessing that gave me answers at a time and place that
I needed. What a blessing.
Now, on to the children and their responsibilities, and yes,
they have some too! My children can listen especially here…
What can children, even young children, do?
You can pick up your toys when you are finished playing with
them, and when you get a little older, you can make your bed, help with the
dishes, and do other chores—without
being asked.
You can say thank you more often when you finish a nice meal,
when a story is read to you at bedtime, or when clean clothes are put in your drawers.
Most of all, you can put your arms around your mother often and
tell her you love her. My children really do all of these, they are growing and
maturing, and sometimes I think, I just may be doing something right!
The
scriptures teach- the 5th Commandment:
“Honour thy father and
thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God
giveth thee.”
Finally- for the entire family:
President Ezra Taft Benson taught:
“In an eternal sense, salvation is a family affair. …
“Above all else, children need to know and feel they are loved,
wanted, and appreciated. They need to be assured of that often. Obviously, this
is a role parents should fill, and most often the mother can do it best.”10
But another crucial source for that feeling of being loved is
love from other children in the family. Consistent care of brothers and sisters
for each other will come only with persistent effort by parents and the help of
God. You know that is true from experience in your own families. And it is
confirmed each time you read of the family conflicts faced by righteous Lehi
and his wife, Sariah, in the Book of
Mormon record.
He counseled us “Do not try to control your children. Instead,
listen to them, help them to learn the gospel, inspire them, and lead them
toward eternal life. You are God’s agents in the care of children He has
entrusted to you. Let His divine influence remain in your hearts as you teach
and persuade.”
This quote by President Eyring is framed in our house:
“A wise parent would never miss a chance to gather children to learn
of the doctrines of Jesus Christ…such moments are so rare in comparison with
the efforts of the enemy…for every hour the power of doctrine is introduced
into a child’s life, there may be hundreds of hours of messages and images
denying or ignoring the saving truths…the question should not be whether we are
too tired to teach doctrine…or whether it wouldn’t be better to draw a child
closer by just having fun…or whether the child thinks we preach too much…The
question must be “with so little time and so few opportunities, what words of
doctrine from ME will fortify THEM against the attacks on their faith”…which
are sure to come…the words you speak today may be the ones they remember, and
today will soon be gone.”
I speak for myself, but also for Dana when I say that we are
striving each day to be goodly parents. It is not always easy. We pray daily for our children, we hold
family home evening, we read scriptures each day with our children. We try to
teach them the right things at the right time. They are good children- we are
so blessed to be entrusted with their lives while on this earth. We love them,
we honor them, and want to live righteously so we can be with them eternally.
I have a testimony. I know God lives. He loves me. He loves you.
He is ever mindful of each of us. He knows you and I so completely and wants
nothing more than our happiness here so we can return to him. I know the Book
of Mormon is true. Line upon line, precept upon precept…I know Joseph Smith is
the Prophet of the Restoration and that Thomas S. Monson is the prophet today.
I am grateful for the opportunity to hear from him and the 12 apostles at
conference next month. I am always anxious to hear what I need to hear from
them. I know God speaks to us through them. I know he does not leave us on our
own to be stewards of His children here. He wants us all to return to Him, our
Father.
In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
